Where my HEART is

The human heart is such a complex, amazing creation that our beautiful maker created.  It keeps us physically living, but also has the complicated element of adding emotions to our life.  That part is the part that I find tough.  

This past week I had to make a decision that really broke my heart.  The day I had to make this really hard decision, I felt an ache in my heart.  I've been through a lot in my life of thirty two years, and have felt my heart break before for various different reasons.  This time it was something I had a choice in, and that was the hard part.  

When I was in my final trimester of school in the fall of 2012, and was already in the process of preparing to student teach in the spring of 2013 I found out I was surprisingly pregnant.  With not just one, but three babies.  I went along, and stayed in the pre student teaching program up until I knew it would be impossible while carrying three babies.  So the month before I would have started student teaching I had to withdraw.  So close, yet so far from my degree at that point.  Then I had my sweet babies in April of 2013, and knew that eventually I wanted to finish this degree up.  Especially while my coursework was fresh on my mind.  So I applied again for the student teaching program for this spring, and started student teaching the first week of January.  After missing three full days I knew I needed to make a decision.  I didn't have an army, literally friends it takes an army when a momma is working, to help care for the babies, and couldn't miss any more.  AND it wasn't just the days missed.  I had a lot of odds against me.  I don't want to write it all out, because I know y'all get what I mean.  It wasn't going to happen.  So, a week ago Wednesday I made that tough decision to withdraw.  I had no choice, and had to let that part go.  

My heart definitely hurt that day, and still does.  But, since God dwells within me I will be ok.  He has given me four amazing boys to care for, and I'm doing that with all that is in me.  I am not letting go of my dream of being a teacher, but it will have to be on hold until God says...Tiffany, you can do this.  Thankfully, I do have my state alternative teaching certification with my first degree, and can use that teaching when the time is right.  But, everything has to fall in place and be put before me.  By God, and in clear view of what is before me.  

One thing that all of my family, and friends know about me is that my heart is first with The Lord, it is definitely with my children and family, and my heart is in teaching.  I am a very passionate person about many things, and teaching is one thing I'm definitely passionate about.   Finalizing this degree may not happen this year, or ever.  Who knows, only God, but teaching is definitely in my future.  It just may be with an alternative certification.  One thing I do know is that my heart said give it try, your so close, and I did.  I tried.  

(Junk Gypsies)